实例解析中考英语作文给分原则(4)

　　又有家长呼吁上点学生习作，于是来一篇之前我的学生LYQ写的作文。

　　Nowadays, the lunch in school is not as popular as it used to. Some students don’t like it so they go out of the school in order to eat the food they prefer. However, not all delicious food is good for their health.

　　I would like to present my ideas as follows. There is no denying that students ought to follow the school rules to have lunch at school, which can not only keep themselves healthier but also make it easier for the teachers to manage the students. But on the other hand, it is the responsibility of the schools to improve the qualities of their dishes. Only in this way can they attract more students to have lunch at school.

　　【实际得分：17分】

　　张老师点评：

　　这是我以前一个学生的习作，当时的题目如下：

　　现在，有很多同学选择在学校外面吃午饭。这样做是否正确?你的建议是什么?请写一篇不少于60字的文章。

　　老实讲，其实这篇文章是可以得满分的，但是由于是习作，我强行扣掉了1分。这篇文章从文采来讲，当然是很好的，但是其实其中很多句型，在很多文章中都可以通用，只要提前熟悉，要写出来其实并不困难。例如文章中出现的”I would like to present my ideas as follows.” “There is no denying that…” “only in this way + 倒装句”等等，都是我们平时操练过的。所以很多事情你看起来很困难，但是对于有准备的人来说也是比较轻松的。正如贾岛诗言：“二句三年得，一吟双泪流。”
 

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