来源:网络资源 作者:中考网整理 2019-06-16 22:30:45
学生作文一
I live on a planet which is full of love. I can get love form my teachers, friends and my parents. When I get love from them, I feel warm and happy. They are the most important people in my life. I should show my love to them. I will help my parents to do some housework if they are tired. I will help my friends when they are in trouble. I should show my love to the person who gives me love.
实际得分情况:5+6+1=12
老师点评:这篇文章其实是相当有文采的。开篇第一句话和最后一句话都正确使用了定语从句,这已经足以为其争取到1分的文采分了。整篇文章除了第一句有点不符合常理(planet不能用fulloflove,应该用world)和第6句help后面不应该用to之外,其他句子都没有语病,扣1分的语言分也可以理解。但是本文最大的败笔就在于遗漏了一个要点!题目要求对自己周围的love给出1-2个例子,但是本文中没有任何例子,于是被扣了2分的内容分,非常可惜。正所谓“要点不全就是错,妙笔生花又如何?”
学生作文二
Love never leaves me. My parents, teachers, classmates and so on give love to me. My mother always come to my room and close the windows when I fall asleep on the cold night. My classmates and teachers always give me a hand when I have something difficult to do. I feel very warm and happy when I get love from all these people around me. I will give my father a cup of tea when he finish all the works. I will help my mother to do some housework. Love around me all the time.
实际得分情况:7+5+0=12
老师点评:要点一个不缺,7分到手。全文除了反复使用when引导的时间状语从句之外,无任何复杂句型,因此文采分为0并不冤枉。我要说的是被扣掉得2分语言分,不知道大家有没有看出来扣在哪里?
其实这篇文章扣语言分的主要是2点:
1.三单。除了第一句之外的2处三单都用错了(找到了吗?)。虽然原则上讲每个语法点错只扣0.5,且重复不计,但是像三单这么基础的语法点,扣1分也不为过。
2.最后一句缺系动词。也许这位同学是想在最后一句用一个短句子作为有力的结尾,可惜偷鸡不成蚀把米,句子不是想短就能短的。
当然,文中还有onthecoldnight、whenIfallasleep、finishalltheworks等小一点的语法错误,但是仅仅是前面2个大的语法错误,就足以显示这位同学的功底了。正所谓“要点当然要齐全,语法岂止为单选?”
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